September 30, 2004
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People vs. Perfection
Last week Shoey wrote a post about probabilities that generated a spirited discussion. As clieu noted, “all the nerds come out to play!” A sociologist might note that three groups of people formed:
1) people with the correct answer
2) people with the incorrect answer
3) Shoe, trying to make peace by saying both were correct in their own way =)
Later Loren told me that there are two types of ministry styles, one valuing perfection (goals, correctness), and the other valuing people. Ideally there’s a balance and wisdom in knowing when to value which. For example, if your friend is looking the wrong way and about to walk into an incoming truck, you’d grab him without consulting his opinion. But if he loves a necktie that seems ugly to you, maybe you should keep quiet. And if you find his wife really– nevermind, I covered that in a previous post.
Most of us lean one way or the other on that spectrum. I personally lean more towards the perfection side. (Howard Roark from The Fountainhead — one of my heros for a while, before I grew up and concluded he was kind of a jerk.) But I prefer to be at a church which values people over perfection. Because it’s hard to be vulnerable and grow in a safe environment when others are holding microscopes and wielding scalpels at your soul.
So I landed at Highrock where my preference for perfection puts me in the minority. Initially I came wanting to leave that behind, to just connect with people, experience healing, love and be loved. But one thing led to another, and now I find myself in the most perfection- or procedure-oriented position at the church. And I spend a lot of time thinking about policies and procedures that will help the church run smoothly, grow, and handle changes. In fact, over the past 2 weeks, I’ve been working on The Guide to Highrock — detailing everything you might want to know about the church. Who the ministry leaders are. How to get involved. How the forums and email lists work. Who to contact if you’re new to the church. How to become a member. Which cell groups are available, how to join them, and how to lead one.
But I’m running into writer’s block. It may be because I like Highrock the way it is, a little loosey-goosey on the procedures. With more emphasis on connecting with each other, people before perfection. In fact, I want to use the Guide as class notes for a 1-hour seminar titled “Highrock 101.” But that seminar, as Dave has suggested, should emphasize more of the vision and values, and less of the not-so-inspiring procedures and policies. So maybe I’m stuck trying to write the class notes in one style (perfection) for a talk in a different style (people).
Anyway, I’m not sure what to do. But I’m looking forward to the retreat this weekend.
Comments (6)
neat! It’s like the idiot’s guide to joining your spiritual community.
It sounds like you understand what content you want to cover. Can you get people to write cameos about their experiences?
Let me know if you want help with editing.
One of the things I’m realizing is that it becomes progressively harder to value people as you become responsible for a greater number. You end up for example having to avoid doing favors for one because those would be at the expense of many — e.g. you’re afraid to hurt the feelings of a worship leader because he really wants to sing and feels inspired by God, yet he has no talent and people complain to you. What is the right thing to do?
It’s good that ministries have both types of people. Shoe is an incredible asset to our communities because he’s able to see people’s side of things and make them feel appreciated and supported. Some of our other big leaders are like that; I used to joke that for a couple of them, you could be like, “I think the moon is swiss cheese” and they’d answer, “Wow, that’s a great insight, thanks for sharing that, let me think about it!”
On the other hand, you have people who are more goals and task oriented, they’re necessary for getting things done properly and even the most people-centric folks will eventually complain if standards are compromised (it’s not that certain people have standards and others don’t; it’s just that some people’s standards are lower). But these people are generally seen as aloof, uncaring, and insensitive, so you need the caring folks to balance out.
The funny thing is that I think I used to be more people-centric until I started getting more heavily involved in big ministries. For myself, I think part of my transformation is that the more complaints I receive from people about the quality of the ministry, the more I start valuing that over people. Others are better at not avoiding being unduly influenced by this but I’m a victim of it. Church has made me insensitive
!
Have fun at your retreat! Hey, you guys have a membership class or something like that, right? You could use your handbook there…
Loren’s far too kind to me. I think one way I perceive things is how much do I care about the person (and especially how much you want them to know the RIGHT thing)… if I don’t care much, I’ll just kinda let things go, but for folks like Loren and you, I think you guys really do care a lot, and hence you want the people to know the truth. I think you guys are much more an asset also in that you can affect many more people by setting down these things in writing… my work will fade away into memory…
Of course, sometimes the “truth” is debateable, but I digress…
Ephesians 4:15
Instead, speaking the truth in love…
need both. truth and love. speak truth in love. balance. not either or. telling someone the truth because you love them. telling the truth lovingly. sometimes the truth is hard to take, but if the hearer perceives that you love them, it can be easier to hear what otherwise might sound like pure criticism.
procedures and standards are good for the purpose of promoting order and an environment where love grows. but neither should override the other. truth and love work together.
something like that. me not so good at explaining. i fall on the people side of spectrum, though am learning to appreciate the perfection side. must work now.
And if you find his wife really– nevermind, I covered that in a previous post.
which post? =b
Hey LN! Here’s my post about ambiguous relationships with married women:
http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=changed&tab=weblogs&uid=112309976