July 15, 2004
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A Chivalry Story
Years ago, I had a female friend in Boston — let’s call her “Ellen.” She was in a long-term relationship, so there wasn’t any of that weirdness going on between us. Anyway, we would hang out by ourselves occasionally, and since I was the one with a car, I drove. Whenever I dropped her off, I waited outside watching her until she unlocked the front door and made it in safely. But she would never look back and wave afterwards. I thought, “What, have her parents or boyfriend or guy friends never told her about this?”
She and I had a mutual friend; let’s call him something unusual like “Loren.” Now he was one of the most chivalrous people I’d ever met, so I figured he must watch her unlock the front door and enter safely before driving off. But if she doesn’t wave back to me, it’s probably not a personal thing — I bet she doesn’t wave back to him either. So the next time she and I hung out, I explained the etiquette of being dropped off: the driver (guy) waits to show that he cares, and the passenger (girl) waves back to acknowledge his waiting and thank him.
Some weeks later I told “Loren” this story. His response: “Yeah, she waves back at me now.”
Comments (18)
What? she really didn’t know about the “wave” etiquette?! =0 And who is this “Loren”?
really? is that etiquette? ok, i think i forget sometimes…
yeah chef, it’s etiquette. Like the “not erasing one’s comments” etiquette. hahaha. :p
i’ve never heard of that one before… it must be a british thing.
Dude, it’s totally etiquette! But then, not all guys know that they should wait to make sure we get in the door either.
*wave*
8 times out of 10, the guy just zooms off.
it’s a learned thing for both men and women!
Some men might disdain waiting for a woman to enter her apartment as a flamboyant act. But this is a bit different than, say, holding a door open for her, because it is an issue of concern for safety versus chivalrous kindness The same thing should pass through a guy’s head when he’s thinking about dropping the girl off on the corner versus taking her to her door, even if she says she’ll be o.k. walking.
Some guys have a harder time grasping safety issues because they can’t put themselves in the others’ shoes. Even if it’s midnight, you live in the downtown combat zone, and your apt was just broken into yesterday, you still might have to explain to the guy that he should wait for you to get into your apt.
I’d rather a man let the door hit a trailing woman 100 times but always wait for her when he drops her off, versus that he always open the door for her but forgets once to wait for her. Even if it’s a guy, I think it’s not a bad idea to wait until they get into their car/apt before driving off (though I’ve forgotten for guys before…).
hahaha… very creative names.
i used to only wait for girls after dropping them off. but then i realize this should definitely be an equal opportunity thing… e.g. if it’s the middle of the winter (or even if not), what if the guy forgot his key? so i think the rule for both should be: always wait until you see the door open before zooming off.
i’ll have to remember to wave… i’m not sure i always do that either.
hey i wave and smile even.. i must not be related to this ‘ellen’ person at all. =)
the wait-till-she-opens-front-door is just a given, a must-do, i think, because of the safety issue. (and the walk-her-up-to-front-door is something else entirely.) but i thought the wave from the girl is more of a signal that she got there okay and that he can go now. i agree with beatawan — same thing when guys get dropped off by girls.
Yeah, I actually haven’t dropped a woman off in some time (using a car). But when I drop them off on foot, sometimes I am not sure what to do. I mean I wait, but then they might stop halfway and wave goodbye. I assume that is my cue to turn around, because if I don’t it looks a little wierd.
i wave, and i wait for doors to be held open for me. Unless i get there first, in which case, i hold and open the door for the other person, regardless of gender.
dude! i haven’t checked xanga in ages!!! and when i do this is what i find…*grin* nice, ed… random… but nice…. ;b and no not personal… just clueless =b
It doesn’t matter if you’re a guy dropping off a girl or a girl dropping off a girl, the thing, is the passenger’s supposed to wave. I usually make sure the lights go on, just in case. But yeah, I sit and wait for my friends to get in the door and they usually wonder what the hell I’m doing.
chivalry would be walking her up to the door rather than lazily sitting in your car.
Haha, Phil… ;P …yeah, I think that’s something that I’ve come to appreciate from others but not expect (although I generally try to do it when the opportunity arises). I suppose anything that shows concern/consideration for one’s personal safety from a friend of any gender would fall into the category of “an appreciated gesture” though, especially since I’m living near a med school in a slightly less than ideal part of town at the moment. =P One thing that I think would be nice for people to do/that they seldom do would be…if you’re hanging out with people pretty late and you know someone has a long drive home by himself/herself, to give them a call/check up and make sure that they made it home safely… =P
call it reverse chivalry or naturally nice
… i’ve always asked guys who have dropped me off after a dance, a date or just hanging out, to call me once they get home so i know they made it safely. we do it at home and it just carried through with friends.
and yeah even if i did not particularly like the guy nor enjoyed the occasion.