October 4, 2004
-
Rilke, on marriage
At the retreat this weekend, Angela read a moving piece by Rilke. It reminded me of my favorite quote by the German poet: “Even between the closest people infinite distances exist.” Here is the full context. I don’t know much about marriage, but this rings true to me.
The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.
Comments (11)
i used to read Rilke before I became a Christian & thought he had great stuff. i’m not so sure i agree now. i don’t know his background, but to me when i read the part about spouses “being a guardian of each other’s solitude” this used to leave me with such an empty feeling, as if all there was in life is solitude, even in marriage. the fact is, that is just not true! we have a living relationship with Jesus Christ all the time and the ability to access His presence through the Holy Spirit any time. we no longer need to live in our own shells of solitude because we can be connected to the living Christ. true, there remains distance between two people even in marriage, but God is the one to connect them together and draw them into ‘oneness’ through His Spirit. i believe God intended ’unity & oneness’ in marriage, and He enables it if it is within the boundaries set by Him in His word.
Hey! here’s a poster for you changed. I think I might get it too. I treasure solitude a lot; and solitude is never lonely for me. Yes, me weird
http://www.allposters.com/gallery.asp?aid=891621&item=311309
the poem was so tragic! Two people “meant” to be always missing each other but sharing the same world, listening to the same birdsong, walking down the same streets, etc….how utterly tragic and hopeless……
Do you recognize this famous painting?
http://www.bc.edu/bc_org/avp/cas/his/CoreArt/art/resourcesd/fri_wand.jpg
Just like Rilke, David Caspar Friedrich, the German romantic painter, was really into solitude. Solitude was an ideal of the romantic period, and Rilke was part of that movement. Sociableness and human relationships were seen as superficial and artificial and generally distracting from a deeper spirituality and self-knowledge.
“Indeed, Friedrich was captivated by the idea of encountering nature in solitude in deepest revines, on the edge of the sea, or as here on the pinncacle of a mountain, which was about as far away from urban civilization as a European man could get. Indeed in his later paintings, Friedrich will continue to stress that the very idea of “self-expression” had to be associated with physical and spiritual isolation. The Romantics believed that any artist who wanted to explore his own emotions, had necessarily to stand outside of the throng of money-making, political gimmickry, and urban noise in order to assert and maintain their positions.”
http://www.bc.edu/bc_org/avp/cas/his/CoreArt/art/rom_fri_wand.html
I think the “infinite distances” that Rilke is referring to is just another name for “infinite uniqueness” — to the extent that each of us is truly unique, or at least the more unique one is (as Rilke certainly was), no one can completely understand us (expect God I suppose). That is why “tearing down all boundaries” and “quick commonality” is impossible. But it is possible for two people to see each other as strange, opaque, and independent and still love each other, and there is something truly wonderful and not tragic about that capacity.
=O
cesare gets two brownie points for mentioning Friedrich. Love his work. Love it!
Oh yeah, Happy Monday changed!
cool! i’m going to go out and enjoy my 2 brownie points now…
May: I think we will have union with God in the afterlife, but in this life there is the solitude that expresses itself in eternal longing. Communion with Christ through the Holy Spirit is not 100% available and accessible here on Earth; it comes and goes. At least for me.
CB: I have a poster in my new place that makes me think “solitary”:
http://www.allposters.com/gallery.asp?aid=1586822806&item=810956 And I am hosting Friday Night Fellowship this week, so come on over around 10PM if you’re interested. 147 Sherman #104, close to Sherman and Rindge.
I have mixed thoughts on solitude and fellowship. I think both are necessary for growth and fulfillment. Like night and day for both plants and people.
thanks for the invite changed! i’ll see if i can make it…
part of that quote is in the movie “I.Q.” w/meg ryan & tim robbins!!!