October 7, 2005

• Nearly Free(dom) Fries

  Right now Burger King is running a charity promotion.  For a dolla
  ($1), you get 8 coupons: 4 for small fries, and 4 for small drinks
  (including their new Invisible Cherry Icee).  90% of the proceeds go to
  a scholarship fund for high school seniors.  But the best thing is, you
  don’t have to use the coupons in conjunction with a purchase!

  Ed: Hi, I’ll have a BK Big Fish, and one of those coupon books.
  BK: That’ll be $4.08.  [hands me a coupon book and receipt]
  Ed: Uh… can I use these coupons now?
  BK: Sure.
  Ed: Then I’ll also have a small fries and a small Icee.  [tearing out
  the coupons and wondering who would ever pay $2.29 for a small fries
  and a drink when you could pay less than half that and still have 6
  coupons left]

  On the walk back, I wondered if this was the cheapest available
  calories.  I thought to myself, “I wonder if this is cheaper than
  eating plain spaghetti, or eating oatmeal, or drinking vegetable oil!” 
  So naturally I had to do a price comparison of cost per calorie.  And
  for our mutual education and entertainment, here are the results:

  

  I guess it’s not as cheap as spaghetti or vegetable oil, but cheaper
  than oatmeal!  An average person consumes 2000 calories a day, so it
  would only cost you about $1.50 a day using BK coupon books.

  Of course, I’m not considering issues like health and taste.  “But
  wait!” you ask, “How can you be eating fries and Icees and BK Fish
  sandwiches when you’re on the Freakin’ Cut diet of tofu, lettuce, and
  oatmeal?”  Well, the answer is because I have achieved the state
  of
  Freakin’ Cut — by losing 11 pounds in the last 2 months!  My
  waist size has shrunk about 1.5 inches, resulting in loose pants and
  cinched belts.  When I twist around, I no
  longer feel fat bunching up around my side.  I can run like the
  wind
  again.  Victory!  [cue up theme song to Chariots of Fire]

  Ready for marriage in 9 days…

  • 3:43 pm
  • 15 Comments