November 29, 2005

• Newlywed Traveling Kinda Stinks

  In the last three weeks, June and I have each completed 10 flight
  legs.  That works out to an airport every other day.  Now I don’t have
  anything against airports per se (Latin for “fo shizzle”), but they are
  enormous time sinks.  It’s all logistics: to get thousands of people
  and their bags on and off a limited number of planes and runways –
  well, there’s gonna be waiting involved.  And because it’s a public
  place, you’re not allowed to do the following:

  • lying on a bed or couch
  • burping and farting loudly
  • walking around in your underwear or less
  • surfing the internet for free
  • stuffing your mouth with a handful of cereal before putting the box back
  • making out (except in Europe)

  In fact, most of your time is spent in motion: in taxis, on moving
  walkways (CAUTION: NOW ENDING), taking off your shoes/belt/clothes for
  security (which should really be called “insecurity” for that reason),
  and hauling your carry-on bags across terminals that seem long enough to
  cross national borders.  So you end up spending a lot of time with your
  spouse, but not really with them.  I think Frodo and Sam spent more
  time in intimate conversation carrying the One Ring to Mount Doom
  (especially on the 12-DVD collector’s edition) than June and I did on
  our honeymoon travels.  Probably because they didn’t have to take off
  the Ring for security.

  But besides traveling, newlywed life is pretty fun.  Here is a typical conversation:

  Ed: [stuffs entire pecan tart into mouth]

  June: It doesn’t taste as good that way.

  Ed: [opens mouth, using tongue to spread the half-chewed tart around]

  June: How old ARE you???

  Ed: [mumbling through food] I hope to make you say that at least once a month.

  • 5:33 pm
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