February 6, 2006
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Freewill and Predestination (a post on Dating)
A shoutout to jwkcheng, toothpuller, and dtlee729 — the guys in my car this past weekend for Big D’s bachelor party. The babes, booze, and betting were great, but what really stuck with me were the late-night conversations. Stuff that’s hard to come by when you’re out of college.
I used to be big on freewill — the idea that we choose our own path and create our own future. Yeah, I know the argument that God is all-powerful and knows / controls our destiny in advance (pre-destination). But since no one knows exactly how they interact or their relative importance, I chose to focus on the part I can control.
When it came to dating, I decided that I could control three factors: how well I understood women, how many women I met, and what kind of impression I made. So I went to great lengths to improve all three. I actually bought and read the Anne of Green Gables books for educational purposes! And I carefully cultivated my social networks, friendster and xanga lists, and the image of a successful, eligible bachelor.
But in the end, I met June through a blind date setup, through the sister of a good friend. Something totally out of my control. And that’s made me think about God’s providence and whether I’m a rat in a maze that says “Watch me choose my own direction.” [reference] Breaking out of my freewill-centric framework leads me to wonder more, to wait more, to accept more. And to plan less, to worry less, to think less (of myself in particular). Sometimes God hits us over the head with a 2-by-4, but sometimes he just guides us along the slow current of a mighty river.
So I guess looking back, here are the things that mattered which I could control:
- choosing to grow in maturity (details in a future post)
- being myself by serving in ministries where the opportunity was there — I didn’t meet June there directly, but they gave me experiences which we could compare and feel connected.
- not screwing up the process as I had in past relationships. Aided by:
- maturity (see above)
- introspection
- openness to dating around and being set up
- a community that knows you and speaks truth and love into you (Highrock)
That list is a lot different than my pre-married list! It’s a solid reminder to me that I have less control over some things (who I meet) and more control of others (still trying to figure out exactly what to call it).
Comments (4)
funny how God shows us that our plans are never as good as His.
No matter how good someone’s plan is, God has a better one. I did not choose Boston without his “hints!”
it was very heartwarming to read this.
Oh yeah, down with worshipping this false idol so-called “free will!” Just remembered something we deduced during THIRD: It’s free-will except when it’s not.
I would argue that we really don’t have this so-called free will, for we are either slaves to Christ or slaves to sin (or both). There cannot be a realm that exist outside of both God and Sin. No such thing as “purgatory.”